Killers Freakin' Anonymous
by Leipreachan
Summary: Killers meet in a group therapy in order to let out some steam. In the end they make themselves look like idiots. Enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

Ok, people. I don't own any characters in this story. It would be awesome, but unfortunately no.

Killers Freakin' Anonymous

Chapter 1

Pennywise is a wuss

It was a sad Thursday in the middle of July. It was raining. You know what? It was snowing. Snowing freakin' potatoes. There were so many potatoes, little Irish people came outside for dinner. Yes, potatoes. Screw you. It's my story. Potatoes.

On top of raining potatoes, it was also the Killers Anonymous meeting are slashers walking into the room. They all take a seat.

Mr. Buzzkill- Hello, class.

Everyone- Hello, Mr. Buzzkill.

Mr. Buzzkill- Does everyone understand why we are here?

Jason Voorhees- I do-

Mr. Buzzkill- Because you are horrible people and murderers and you will be burning in hell.

Jason- I've already been there.

Freddy- I live there. It's not too bad. I have a TV. All I get is mexican TV, though.

Everything gets quiet. Why? Because I want it to.

Mr. Buzzkill- Okay I want you all to tell me about your week. Let's start with Chucky.

Pinhead- He's not here.

Mr. Buzzkill- Well, then let's move on to Pennywise. Well, Pennywise, how was your week?

Pennywise- Well, I was in a sewer...

Freddy- What the hell were you doing in a sewer? Taking a shower?

Pennywise- No. I was making little kids crap themselves by grabbing their legs. Anyway, I was going to grab a kids leg and drag him into the sewer with me, and when I went to grab him, he pee'd himself and it ran down his leg to my hand. I then puked and the kid thought it was f***cking hilarious!

Pennywise starts to cry. Yes he is a big freakin' baby. He is crying his ass off and his make up starts to drip. It gets on his hand and reminds him of the pee. He starts to cry even more deeply and pees himself. He then is reminded again and pukes.

Mr. Buzzkill- Are you okay?

Pennywise- Yeah. I'm okay. Back to my story. So, this kid is laughing his ass off. Because he is laughing, he pees even more and it gets in my mouth. After I was done puking and the kid was done pissing on my hand, I tried to scare him. He kicked me in the face, dropped a deuce on me, got his friends to come and laugh at me, kicked me in the face again, and then when I turned to cry, pushed me into a stream of pee and S***. The next day, I was going to scare the crap out of another kid. The kid got really scared and puked on me. It hurt my feelings. When I asked him to apologize, he spit on me and kicked me in the crotch. I fell and started to wallow in pain. When I did, he caught me on fire. I was on fire for an entire minute before the kid and his friends pissed on me.

Yes, kids now play with matches. Thank you, America.

Pennywise- So, I went to try to scare an old lady. She was just about to get into her car. I went up to her and when I did she turned and pepper sprayed me. It burned like hell.

Freddy- (coughs the word) Asshole.

Pennywise- So there I was, my eyes on fire, screaming my lungs out. I thought that it couldn't get any worse. It did. The old b**** pulled out a taser from her purse, and proceeded to tase the f*** out of me! Have any of you ever been tased? It hurts like s***! I was temporary blinded. She then hit me with her car door, started up the car backed out of the driveway, and hit me. The last thing I remember from that day is a couple of kids T-bagging me. After being knocked out for a few hours, I went home to my sewer and cried myself to sleep.

Mr. Buzzkill- Wow. Pennywise, you are a huge wuss and a dumbass. That is the first step to accepting the fact that you are God awful at what you do.

Pennywise looks around to see the different people around him are laughing. Laughing at people is fun especially when they are miserable.

Pennywise- It's not funny. I was really miserable. I have little kids taking whizzes on me and T-bagging me. What if it happened to you!?

Leatherface- It didn't happen to us, though.

Michael Myers- Plus, it really is funny.

Pennywise runs from the room crying.

Ghost Face- Wuss.

Mr. Buzzkill- Okay. Well, who is next?

Thanks for reading. This is only a working progress, so don't criticize.


	2. Chapter 2

Ok, people. I don't own any characters in this story. It would be awesome, but unfortunately no.

Killers Freakin' Anonymous

Chapter 2

Freddy gets ice cream

Alright. Where were we? Oh yes. Pennywise runs from the room crying hysterically. Blah blah blah. Let's just get down to business.

Mr. Buzzkill- Who's going next? Freddy, would you like to go next?

Freddy- No.

Mr. Buzzkill- Okay, what happened to you this week?

Freddy- (sigh) It started when I was going into someone's dream. I was going to get some teenager. When I got into his dream, I was about to jump on him and kill him, but he thought it would be entertaining to kick me in the crotch. I immediately fell to the ground and he thought it was very funny to piss on me. He did. After he peed on me, he gave me a wet willy and resumed to kicking my ass. Well, I got scared and left his dream. I realized that he was haunting my dream and started crying. The next day, I tried to get a 12 year old. When I got to his dream, he was holding a baseball bat and beat the living crap out of me. I then tried to kill him. It didn't work. When I jumped for him I got a faceful of bat. He put his butt on my face and rubbed it in. He was fat, so I couldn't get him off. Stupid fat kid. I was almost smothered to death. I was so upset that I went to get some ice cream. I realized that they don't have ice cream in hell. I went to the store and the clerk shot at me. When I left a bunch of teenagers jumped me. They took all of my ice cream. I really wanted some ice cream, so I killed a fat guy and took his. I realized it was frozen yogurt, so I got mad and kicked his body and my foot got stuck.

Mr. Buzzkill- How did it get stuck?

Freddy- I miscalculated my aim. I was aiming for his leg, but realized that his leg is lower than I thought. I went home and fell asleep. When I woke up for some reason all my stuff was gone. I must have been high and pawned all my stuff off to score some coke.

Mr. Buzzkill- You were high on coke and got beaten up by a fat kid?

Freddy- Yup.

Mr. Buzzkill- And along with that, you killed a man for his ice cream?

Freddy- Exactly

Mr. Buzzkill- So, what happened afterwards?

Freddy- I was out of food, so I went to the store. The clerk shot at me. When I left a bunch of teenagers jumped me... again. They took all of my ice cream. I really wanted some ice cream, so I killed a fat guy and took his. I realized it was frozen yogurt, so I got mad and kicked his body and got my foot stuck.

Mr. Buzzkill- Okay. Well, what happened the next day?

Freddy- I was out of food, so I went to the store.

Mr. Buzzkill- This is an everyday thing for you isn't it?

Freddy- No, one day I killed a fat guy and it really was ice cream.

Mr. Buzzkill- You really need a hobby.

Jason- He really needs to get laid.

Freddy- I did. I just don't remember everything. I woke up and my expensive stuff was gone. It was awesome all the way up until then.

Jason- Not the first time that's happened.

Mr. Buzzkill- Okay let's move on.


End file.
